Greeting Cards Are Too Expensive

Well, let me tell ya, folks, greeting cards, they’re like the bougie clowns of the paper world, and don’t even get me started on their absurd price tags. It’s like they’re trying to make us all bankrupt one heartfelt message at a time!

So, today, I’m on a quest to buy a card for my nephew who’s turning a year older. But seriously, who in their right mind drops nine bucks on a card for a kid? Is this some sort of secret society of ultra-fancy-toddler greetings that I’m not aware of?

And let’s ponder this: Has any kid ever exclaimed, “Wow, Auntie, this nine-dollar card is the pinnacle of my existence!” I doubt it. They’re the YouTube generation, for crying out loud. Give ’em a meme or a cat video, and they’ll be happier than a squirrel at a nut convention.

Now, there’s my little hobby of picking cards in other languages or with religious themes to keep the wife guessing. She thinks it’s a diplomatic crisis waiting to happen. But honestly, the kid’s still mastering English, so I’m pretty sure he won’t be offended by a Spanish “feliz cumpleaños” card.

Oh, and the grand mystery of it all – why do these glorified pieces of paper cost an arm and a leg? I’m thinking I could just grab a postcard, scribble “happy birthday, kiddo” on it, and achieve the same cosmic greeting card effect.

I mean, seriously, people, in this age of instant messaging and emojis, does it make any sense to buy a kid a card? And just when I’m about to have an epic rant, I find out I’ve got enough CVS points to score that card for free! Now, that’s what I call a plot twist in the greeting card saga.