Well, congratulations to Airbnb for finally answering the question no one asked: what if I could shrink myself to the size of a blueberry and live inside a mushroom? If you’ve ever found yourself staring at your mortgage paperwork and thought, “I’d rather be three apples tall and live in the woods with fictional blue communists,” your moment has arrived.
In a move that somehow marries corporate nostalgia with forest cosplay, Airbnb is now offering a once-in-a-lifetime chance to rent Papa Smurf’s house. Yes, the actual mushroom-shaped home. Not metaphorically. Not sort-of shaped like a mushroom. This thing looks like what happens when an HGTV host gives up and lets their kid decorate. This exclusive Smurfs Airbnb Experience—located in the enchanted forest of Annevoie, Belgium, because of course it is—is timed to coincide with the release of The Smurfs Movie this July. As part of the promotional magic, two lucky families (read: the fastest ones with Wi-Fi and nothing better to do at noon CEST on July 16) will be selected for a 4-hour fantasy retreat into the woods. For free. Which, let’s be honest, is the only price I’d even consider paying for this.
Upon arrival, you’ll be greeted by Nicolas Tytgat, who isn’t just the host but also the grandson of Peyo, the original creator of the Smurfs. A charming detail, assuming this doesn’t turn into a very polite hostage situation where you’re held emotionally captive by generations of Smurf lore. The experience starts strong—with a Smurfberry drink. A mysterious purple liquid that, I can only assume, is some combination of edible glitter, fruit punch, and the tears of 80s cartoon writers.
After your welcome beverage, you’ll step inside Papa Smurf’s humble abode to create your own Smurf hat. Yes, you make the hat yourself. Because nothing says luxury vacation like arts and crafts with a glue stick in a mushroom. Outside, guests will be invited to try “woodland archery,” which sounds adorable until you realize it’s just trying not to poke someone’s eye out while wielding a foam-tipped arrow dressed as a garden gnome.
Lunch? A picnic. And not just any picnic—one inspired by Smurf cuisine. Blue food. Just think about that. French fries (apparently Smurfette’s favorite snack, because that’s how stereotypes work in the forest) and blue desserts. No word on whether Gargamel’s stew is on the menu, but I assume it’s frowned upon.
The grand finale is, naturally, a dance lesson. On an open-air forest stage. With a choreographer trained by Smurfs. Or at least, trained in Smurf movement. Picture doing a TikTok routine, but while dressed as a Scandinavian lawn ornament. It’s like Coachella for people who peaked in kindergarten. Before you leave, you’ll enjoy a scoop of sky-blue Smurfberry ice cream, because nothing completes a full-on identity crisis like a sugar crash. Then you’re sent back to reality with your handmade hat and the vague suspicion that maybe, just maybe, you dreamt the entire thing during a fever nap.
To recap: On August 3rd, you and your three most tolerant family members can live like Smurfs, for four hours, in the Belgian woods, under the watchful eye of a man whose grandfather invented the color-coded personalities of blue humanoids. It’s free, but only if you win the digital version of the Hunger Games on July 16 at 12:00pm CEST. No flights included. No magical shrinking device provided. And no, you can’t actually stay overnight in the mushroom. But hey, you do get a hat.